"human beings are a walking contradiction, maybe not everyone, but for sure i know i am.
when we are single, we think about how nice it is to be attached. when we are attached, we miss the freedom of being single.
this is a dilemma i feel from time to time. i truly believe that no relationships are perfect. for those of you out there reading/knowing about other couples' lives that seem oh-so-perfect, trust me, those couples have their own problems or issues too.
my relationship has its fair share of problems, started mostly by me since i usually have unknown and unspoken expectations (which is only normal cos i am a woman.. heh).
i had a lot of fun when i was single but at the same time, there was the feeling lonely issue to deal with. but i realised what's worst is that you can actually feel lonely even when you are attached. plus that feeling of waiting for your partner to call or text you or wondering what he/she is up to, can be rather annoying.
i know many would say there is no need to wait, just do your own things and keep occupied. i do make my own plans and do my own stuff but there is that nagging feeling of waiting at the back of my mind. and it really doesn't help when your partner's schedule and timing is very fluid. makes it worst that i am more of a structured person, meaning i like to make plans so being fluid irritates me. for example: i make advance plans when i know my partner will be busy on a particular day, then at last minute, my partner is free which makes me feel shitty for having plans. but then if i don't make plans and wait for him to be free and he ends up not free, then i'll get upset.
so when i weigh the pros and cons, it seems like being single is better since there is only the issue of loneliness to deal with; which will go away after some time.but being attached comes with a lot more unexpected stuff and emotions of the other party and yourself and it can be really tiresome.
this is just my opinion, but i don't think it's possible to ever be a strong independent woman yet be needing someone emotionally. maybe men can do it since they can comparmentalise their thoughts and feelings. but for women, if you are strong and independent, won't you be emotionally independent too hence do not need a relationship?
perhaps one day when i finally get the right balance of independence and dependency then my relationship will be almost perfect"
